I love Christmas.
Yup, I really do.
Believe it or not, there are some who just can’t stand it. They’re like hairless grinches who can’t see any purpose for the celebration.
If that’s you, I thought I’d write a little guide for ruining the holiday for yourself and others. I hope you enjoy it!
Keep telling yourself that you’ve got plenty of time to get ready for Christmas. Instead of enjoying the few days leading up to the holiday, you’ll be scrambling to wrap presents, plan get-togethers, and send cards.
Make it about gift-giving
Put lots of pressure on yourself to make everyone happy. That way you can blow lots of money on junk your friends and family don’t need.
Attend everything you’re invited to
Make sure to run out the door Christmas morning so you can spend time with your parents, your spouse’s parents, and all your relatives that you only see once a year. (It can be a great thing to spend time with family but don’t run yourself ragged doing it.)
Worry about what other people think
While your busy attending every party and gathering, make sure to give yourself ample time to obsess over what you’re going to wear. Also, make sure you put the right spin on your life when people ask how you’re doing these days.
Talk about divisive topics
Who doesn’t love to talk about politics at a Christmas party? While you’re at it, discuss corporate greed, conspiracy theories, and race relations.
Gripe lots. Everyone loves a downer. Make sure to complain about how long church lasted, how crowded the stores are, about your job, and about each other.
Eat until you get sick. You need more regrets in your life. Spending an hour bent over on the bathroom floor will be a memory you won’t forget for years to come.
Have unrealistic expectations
Expect Christmas to be just like a Norman Rockwell painting. Imagine the family standing around the old upright piano singing carols and drinking eggnog while wearing the sweaters you bought them. Make that your goal and you won’t be disappointed!
Let the weather dictate your mood
You should be extremely disappointed if it’s not a white Christmas. Make sure to let gloomy December skies kill your Christmas buzz. After all, if there’s no snow, it doesn’t FEEL like Christmas.
Let social media constantly distract you
Christmas only comes once a year and some of your family members came a long way to celebrate with you so you better make sure to check Facebook every few minutes. After all, you wouldn’t want to miss that hilarious meme your friend shared.
Your spouse and parents just don’t know what you really like, there’s way too much gluten on the table, and it takes forever to find something good to watch on Netflix. What is there to be grateful for at Christmas time anyway??
Well, I hope that helps. If you’re a person that really does like Christmas, try doing the opposite of these eleven things. Remember to keep the main thing the main thing and let a heart of gratitude swell up inside of you for the birth of our savior.
Have a great holiday!